Perspective

So I have been asked many times this week:  So how are you doing?  feeling?

Wow.  That is a good question.  The best answer I have is that I am happy to go back and sad to leave.

Am I happy to be back in America with my family?  Yes
Am I happy to be going back to a town with people I know and friends I love?  Yes
Am I happy to live in the convenience of a country I know?  Yes

BUT

I am sad to leave the friends I have made here.
I am sad to leave the convenience and cheapness of my life here.
I am sad to leave a place that is so diverse and rich in culture that continually challenges me.

This has taught me a lot this past few days in the midst of the craziness.  So I will process it here.  I know as believers we are to live life in the mindset that we are destined for something more.  This life is not all their is.  I confess that I find such joy in the day to day:  kids, new house, family, friends, paying off loans, etc.  In these moments when these are great I struggling with thinking that one day my kids will not be my children.  On the other side of eternity I will not be a wife (except to our maker) or a mom.  I know there is something greater than that but when I look at how much I enjoy my life I mourn for a time when so much of what I have is not mine anymore.  When Nate's mom passed away I found comfort in the reality that one day I will see her again but that "one day" doesn't really make right now feel much better.  One day I will see her again but she will not be my mother-in-law.  That kind of makes me sad!

Today I had a revelation!  In the midst of saying goodbyes and packing I am so overwhelmed.   The fact that there is something more is the only thing that gives me rest in the chaos.  I know that moving back to America will make life a bit sweeter and easier in some ways but it doesn't cure everything.  I fear my expectations of life being better when I return will be quickly crushed.  There will be many things better and easier but I will also deal with reverse culture shock.  I will be a stranger in a county I have been away from for so long.  I will have to adjust to a culture that has changed so much in 4 years.  So I am saying goodbye and feeling the tug toward being grateful that there is something more.  I have always thought the longing for eternity is because we will be with the Perfect one, see our loved ones, have no more sadness, and be free from temptations but today another reason was added.  I look forward to eternity because I know that many of these people I am saying goodbye to this week may never be seen by me again on this side of eternity.  As we said goodbye to some national friends today and they cried at our leaving I was reminded that in the midst of my joy of returning to a place I call home I am leaving so many great things.  I am sad but I find joy in knowing that one day I will see them again.  I look forward to it!

To my friends that we are leaving behind:
Thank you for your investment and love for our family.  We will miss you so much!  Thanks for doing life with us.  We will meet again on this side or the other of eternity and I look forward to that day.  I look forward to looking over the mass of people in the new place and realizing that I see many faces of many colors and I knew them before :-)