In The Valley

This has been a rough 2 weeks and I was just telling my husband that I feel like I am in the midst of a valley and when I look to my right all I see are the trials I have come through and then I look to the left, with high hopes that it must get easier but instead I see just as tall of mountains on the other side! I have always been an over committed type of person. My parents are on the go kinds of people and even though I know it drains me to be that way, I always seem to do the same thing. When I was pregnant with Madeline, this was me two days before she was born:

 I was at Spring Banquet with my hubby at 35 weeks pregnant. The day before this was my last day of work and I was being a full time music teacher to 100+ kids. When I was about this far with Emma, we were out and about too:

We were seeing the ice sculptures in our city. I have always been one of those "do as much as you can for as long as you can" type people but it is the death of me. I am currently 35 weeks pregnant and am involved in a mom's group, work every other week doing childcare and am in the last week of rehearsals for the musical "Oliver" that I am helping direct. I know, you are thinking that I am doing too much and am crazy and you are probably VERY right! So why do I feel like I'm in the valley? Let me fill you in:

Two weeks ago we came home from a busy day at the park and Maddy was itching her head like crazy. I had just put Emma down for nap and she was passed out! I woke her up and took them both to CVS and bought 2 lice kits. We came home and did the first one and watched tv as I picked nits and bugs out of my two daughters' hair, both who hate to get their hair touched. They didn't nap that day so it was definitely an early to bed kind of night. The next day we did another treatment because this box said to do so if you still had bugs. Emma was lice free, thankfully, but Maddy was not. We stayed close to home for Halloween, since we couldn't be around other little ones. I also had to miss my surprise baby shower because of this infestation :-( We also headed to Emma's dentist because she chipped her tooth the week before. This lice treatment came with a preventative spray that we used daily and we began using it everyday. I checked daily and the bugs and eggs were gone. We started a normal routine again.

The following Friday (9 days after original lice) we were at the doctor for the baby and I saw a bug crawling in Emma's hair. The anxiety hit! The thought of doing the laundry for all the beds and all the clothes we had worn over the past few days overwhelmed me. We had to go to the hospital for Maddy to have some blood work drawn to be sure her levels were ok for her increased seizure meds. She fought so hard to not get it drawn that she now has a bruise on her little hand. She fought with all her strength! That Saturday we had a Labor Tour at the hospital so we had to get our gracious babysitter to come here rather than allowing our little ones to go play with their friends at their house. We also began having issues with our heater. We woke up on Saturday and Sunday and had to manually relight the heater. We checked hair every day again and saw no bugs. We started a normal routine again.

Monday and Tuesday our heater was out again and we had someone come tell us it was the pilot light sensor and would be a quick fix (praise the Lord!). On Wednesday Maddy woke up from nap and scratched her head once. That anxiety began to creep in again! I did our 4th treatment and called the doctor. Today I took the girls to the doctor and they prescribed a lice treatment that our insurance may refuse to pay for and it costs $300 out of pocket :-( To add to it, Emma tore her mouth frenulum (the little piece of gum that connects your gum and teeth) and Maddy hit her side today on the dishwasher and has this long scratch on her side.

So here I am sitting on the couch with a fixed heater and one more rehearsal before we are at "Oliver's" performance and I just feel so tired. I'm tired of doing laundry...and having these emotions of anxiety...and I want all the chaos to stop. Next week the play will be finished and I am telling myself that it will get better but that is not guaranteed. I keep thinking there will be some calm before the baby arrives, but there may not be.

So I see all this stuff behind me and then I see lice possibly returning and the chaos of holidays around the corner. I wonder, "Will respite come?" And I don't know.

When I worked in China, I would lead chapel music for the elementary and we did lots of Jana Alayra songs. One of the main songs was "Rain or Pour" and it said:

Whether it rains, whether it pours

Wherever I go, I will truth you Lord

In the light of day or in the darkest night

I will trust you Lord with all my life

For my hope is where you are (x4)

This simple kids' song is in my head right now because I need to remember this truth. He is in control and is with me through all of this. My little girls are going through all this chaos and they need me to show them that He is in control and will take care of them. Here's to a hand to hold and a friend to walk with in the valley.