Reunion Reflections

So this past weekend I had my 10 year HS reunion. As I went and caught up with some old friends I found myself realizing how much I have changed over the past 10 years. If you would have said to me 10 years ago, "Emily, you will be married with 2 kids and 1 on the way, staying at home and loving it!" I would have laughed and told you you were crazy. However, I have discovered, it is true!

Don't get me wrong, if you knew me 10 years ago you probably thought I was a sweet girl who was a very strong leader. I was a goody-goody who did all the "right" things. I did fit the part well on the outside but there was something totally different on the inside. Relationships were just a set of steps in life. I was supposed to get married and have kids because that's what you did, that was my purpose. I went to church on Sundays, never drank or did drugs and obeyed my parents.

One thing I am so grateful for was that the Lord blessed me with an ability to learn from the mistakes of others. I never got drunk at parties because I saw the damage it did to those around and to the people who did it. I saw peoples' lives fall apart because of alcohol and drugs and I didn't want that kind of life.

The truth is that those relationships I had just for the sake of a check-list were without purpose and were based on "Friends" and other tv shows like that. When we went to China, people would always ask if the lives of Americans were like that show. I always thought it was crazy but then I realized how true it was. I watched shows for the purpose of seeing the on-again-off-again couple finally end up together. I believed that if I endured a bad relationship it would magically turn out perfect. I treated boyfriends like they didn't matter because if I let them get too close, they would realize that I was vulnerable and I didn't want anyone to think that. I thought that drama was normal in relationships and would stir it up just so my relationship would look like others.

The truth is that that regular church attendance was based on a belief that Christianity was a list of rules. If I went to church, read my Bible, and was good enough, I'd have a free ticket in.

Then I went to CIU. I am unsure how that happened other than that the lord worked that out. I met people that lived out their faith because the felt purpose in their life rather than being dictated by a list of rules. They lived a life of love and sacrifice because life was meant to live in community. The man I fell in love with wasn't a huge dramatic on-again-off-again series but a man I met, got to know, took a chance with, and ended up realizing I couldn't and didn't want to do life without him.

As I was sitting at my reunion meal and talking with my old friends I realized that I am no longer that person from 10 years ago. The outside may look very much the same, but on the inside I am completely different. I saw how these old friends had changed so much and I just wanted to give them loads of encouragement and to build them up. I have routine and wants and desires but the overwhelming drive in my life is that I have a purpose and goal in every word I say and in everything I do. I love being at home with my kids because I have a responsibility to teach them how to be little people who live out this life too. In the bad days when raising kids and being a wife is tough, I know that there is somewhere I can go for hope. I am so grateful for the transformation my life has taken and that I was able to sit at this milestone in my life and see growth. You always hope that you can look back on your life and see change and I can say, confidently, that I do. Christianity isn't supposed to be about a list of dos and don'ts. It's about the Gospel and one who came and sacrificed all so that I could live a life that is free of condemnation and mundane-ness. My old self is gone and the new self rejoices in this purpose and gift of renewal and forgiveness. Praise the Lord!