Reverse Culture Shock 1

So I may have mentioned it before but I am doing this re-entry discussion guide with the movie "Cast Away".  I thought I was adjusting really well and then I read something today that really hit home.  So now I know that it will hit me from time to time.  I hope to write about my adjustment here for me to look back over in the future.

What hit me today was the reality that internet was so essential to our survival with missing family.  I am writing this to process that and to give some insight as well.  I know it was very hard for our family to be away from us but there was also some pain on our side too.  I am not writing to belittle the pain of our family but to provide insight from what we experienced.



Many people think Facebook is a waste of time and there are many instances where I agree.  It can distract you from important things.  We used Facebook and blogs to keep our family posted about life away and I know that without it we would have felt so alone.  I use it now to keep our friends in China posted on our we adjust to life in the States.  We also used Skype to talk to family every week.  In lots of ways, our time in China brought us closer together and helped us to see the value in family.  We missed them so much and grieved their absence.  We now are SO happy to be back with them!

When we had Maddy we were so excited but we were alone in Beijing.  The second best day of our lives and we were celebrating it as a new family of three.  We were excited but at the same time we felt very alone.  It's unrealistic for us to expect friends and family to come visit at her birth but it was definitely something we later realized made the experience a little less than perfect.  It's hard for me when I hear people talk about delivering their child without their family there by choice.  I know every family has it's quirks but it breaks my heart because I would do ANYTHING to have had my parents there with me when Maddy entered the world.  With Emma, we were able to have some friends come to see us before they left for their Christmas/Chinese New Year Break.  That made it a little easier but it was another reminder that one more Forrest entered the world without family around.  One of the reasons I want to have a third (some day, don't worry we ARE NOT PREGNANT!) is because I want to deliver a baby with my mom in the room.  I want to have a baby shower before my baby arrives with family present.  I want to have my family surround us in the days following our third child's birth because I didn't have it before and my heart longs for it.

When Thanksgiving rolled around, we found ourselves at the emergency room with Madeline.  I think this was the hardest.  Family wasn't there (and realistically couldn't be) and it was painful.  Even right now as I write this I feel despair rising up in my heart.  Especially as we are currently having Maddy experiencing a fever, I find that this pain resurfaces.  Family was on the other side of the world and friends were trying to celebrate Thanksgiving and we were alone at a Chinese hospital where we sat on stools six inches from the ground and waiting all day for no news.  We never knew if we'd see Maddy or not and I am cautioned to stay calm to avoid causing effects to Emma, who was in my tummy.  Sitting and waiting for hours upon hours.  Going to sleep in my comfy bed knowing that Maddy was surrounded by strangers.  Never knowing that my daughter would still have anxiety from that week to this very day.  We have almost gone one year without being in the hospital for a seizure and it still devastates my soul to think about that week.  I would lay in bed and sob because I just wanted to hold my baby.  We felt empty and longed for community.  I remember holding one of my friends children that first day and sobbing as I felt jealousy that I couldn't do that to my own child.  We were in pain!

We were very fortunate to be able to return home for some very key events.  As I was answering one of these questions in the "Cast Away" guide I noticed that we came home for Jon's wedding, Dad's wedding, and when Mom was in the hospital.  We were able to drop in and experience those events, bad and good, with family.  I am so glad that we were able to do that.  This all made me realize that God allowed us to return to our home country to support family for these life changing events but at the time of great change in our lives we often had to experience it away.  Again, I know that the majority of my family would have tried their hardest to jump on a plane to get to us asap but as is life.  I understand that and am not pointing fingers at anyone.  I just want to process through the reality that lose and missing are both two way streets.  Family and friends lived in our home country missing us and we were living abroad doing the same.

So, family and friends:  If I pursue you so intently to hang out and seem a little clingy or call you to keep you posted on things that may be so small (like telling you about my 2 year olds fevers, which are quite normal) it is out of a heart who values what she missed.  Life went on without us (as it should have) and in the interim we have learned the value of those closest to us.