Eternal Weight of Glory

It's been one of those days...Not a bad day and not a good day but just a same ole mundane day. I'm tired! Nights of little sleep because littles wake up multiple times to go potty...days of "stop hitting your sister", "stop fighting", and "stop throwing stuff"...minutes of my repeated refrain: "Please give me a second"...repeatedly answering the same question with the same answer...temper tantrums...tears...LIFE

This mommy business is not for the faint of heart and thought I believe that it's not a task for me to do on my own, I feel like I must. I pull up my boot straps and I fight and fight and fail and fail. I lose my temper and I justify my bad attitude and I try to do it all on my own. I know that I need to depend on Jesus but I feel like I've messed up too much to try that route now :-( I get so used to running in this "all by myself" gear that I don't even realize it's what I'm doing. I feel like I'm failing. I didn't do anything educational today...Maddy's still having small seizures here and there...I didn't do piano lessons...I didn't read books to them...I forgot to do XYZ...the list goes on and on. I get to the end of my list and feel like I've failed in every category. When I'm finally at the end of myself, I cease striving, take a deep breath and sit and listen. Shand and Shane's "Thou You Slay Me" comes on and I hear Piper reference this passage:

2 Corinthians 4:7-18 Treasure in Jars of Clay
But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies. For we who live are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh. So death is at work in us, but life in you. Since we have the same spirit of faith according to what has been written, "I believed, and so I spoke," we also believe, and so we also speak, knowing that he who raised the Lord Jesus will raise us also with Jesus and bring us with you in his presence. For it is all for your sake, so that as grace extends to more and more people it may increase thanksgiving, to the glory of God. So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal. 

Wow! I'm not living in a crisis, but my body definitely feels the weight of affliction, being struck down, etc. It feels all in vain. I feel despair because I know tomorrow will have more temper tantrums, more pain, more boo-boos, more ups and downs...

BUT

The affliction is momentary. The little lives that I pour into are eternal beings. Instead of allowing my identity to be gauged by my 6, 4 and 2 year olds, I need to sit down, breath, listen. Even if being a mommy has days that feel like torture rather than a privilege, I remind myself that the power belongs to God. He is enough and I don't need to be. I will NEVER be! May I find rest in the fact that He never called me to be all-powerful, all-knowing. and all-sufficient. He invited me to come to Him with my heavy loads and find rest. He is in control and I don't have to be! Amen and Amen!