My God is Bigger than the "What If"s

It's been a crazy week! On Saturday Nathan took August to the ER because he had a fever of 105. He was super whiney and had been for a few days with a nasty cough and congestion. I found myself so distracted as I tried to care for the girls. Last year when Maddy had the flu and I had to take Emma and August to some friends' home to avoid him getting sick and having to be hospitalized, I realized the toughness of meeting everyones needs but not being able to physically attend to every child at once. My finiteness is so hard. I always try to do more than is physically possible...just ask anyone that knows me :-( but when I had to come face to face with my inability to be in two places at once, I was so heartbroken.

So fast forward to last Saturday...I am physically with my girls but emotionally with Nathan and August. Then my brain started to drift. You know, the "What if"s piled up...

What if you didn't call, what would have happened?
If you would have called the doctor yesterday this wouldn't have happened.
If you would have paid more attention you wold have been able to catch this earlier.
If you would have stayed inside more and not taken him out in the cold he never would have had this happen.

Satan is really good and letting us jump into that pity party and just pulling us under, isn't he?
Hindsight is 20/20! I stopped myself from the spiral and took a moment to preach the Gospel to myself and look at things in perspective. God is bigger than these "What ifs"! It's so easy to let myself believe the lie that God is as out of control as I feel. It's easy to feel like He's forgotten me. It's easy to play the victim. But when I lift my head above my circumstances and remind myself of His sovereignty I realize the beauty of grace and mercy and that no matter what happens in my life, God is bigger! If I make a mistake, if my kids get sick, God is NOT shocked or taken by surprise. He loves them. He knit them together in my womb. He adores them more than I ever could. He knows the pain of seeing His child in pain. He grieves with me and comforts me in the midst of it. I find comfort not in being able to understand it but in knowing that He does! He is bigger than the "What if"s and "Should have"s and "I wish"s. He is more infinite than I am finite!

Pictures of my amazing little people that are my gifts: