Jachin came to us on October 28, 2010. We weren't really sure what we were getting into and were quite shocked to find such an active and adorable little guy enter our home. Madeline was only 6 months old...
As we knew Jachin's contract was coming to an end we were wondering what would be the best plan for us. Once we found out we were pregnant with #2 our minds were made up. Considering Madeline was born 1 month early, the doctors have made it clear they are a little concerned about the timely arrival of this baby. Since Jachin is still not able to walk or talk we knew that trying to prepare for a 2nd child that could come early would be very stressful so we felt that the best plan would be to find another family for Jachin so that I could have time to rest (and hopefully help the baby to not come early) and lugging around two kids that can't walk and one that can would be all too much. As I wrote in my last blog, a family came open for him and we are so excited. So that has led us to beginning the process of transition, which goes like this...
Since our contract with Jachin ends at the end of October and I will be started 3rd trimester in 1 week we decided to go with a gradual plan.
This week (Week 1) - Friday-Sunday with new family
Week 2 - Thursday-Sunday with new family
Week 3 - Wednesday-Sunday with new family
Week 4 - Tuesday-Sunday with new family- This Monday is Jachin's b-day and will be the last day with him
Week 5 - With family for good
So as we go through this I need to process so here it goes. We know that this is what is best for Jachin but I think we are both surprised about how hard it is. Jachin, who we love to death, can be very difficult at times. He has a stubborn set to his jaw when he wants what he wants, he took 10 months to get on a routine, he can't respond back with words....the list continues. It has been a hard year but as we look back on it I am reminded of how great it was and how much of a learning experience it has been.
First, I have seen today how much it has impacted Madeline. She roamed around today like she was missing a best friend. Granted, Jachin never pays her much attention and tries to stand using her head, she still loves his presence. I am mostly grateful that Jachin has taught Madeline what it means to share life with someone and for 1 year of her life she has shared life with another being which I hope will help us adjust to a new baby better. She values relationship and I am grateful that he has taught her that.
Secondly, I never knew how much his presence in our life was so present. This may sound odd but I got used to doing life with Jachin. When I walked in his room today to put away clothes it was sad to realize I wouldn't be interrupting someone's nap. When we sat down for dinner it was painfully silent to realize that we have never had a meal with just Madeline at the table. When Jachin came to us he was in the high chair and Maddy in the bumbo seat on the table. She made the transition to big girl in the chair with him. Life has been functioning around Jachin and now that we are letting go it is weird and sometimes too quiet without him. I know this is the beginning but it makes you think of how things will be and that is what gets me processing.
Those are the two biggies I saw today. I always thought fostering would be this heart warming experience where I'd wake up every morning feeling like I am doing something worthwhile in my life but honestly that wasn't how it felt at all. I had to often remind myself of the reason for what we were doing. Maybe this is more a note to those thinking of fostering. I hate to be negative but I am speaking from the heart, practical - on the outside it is easy for people to encourage you about you doing the right thing cause you are giving the kid a home (which is true) but in the day to day when he refuses to eat, refuses to drink, takes his pants off during nap, pees through his clothes for the 3rd time that week, breaks your favorite mug, touches the dvd player or crawls into the window for the 5th time and that is all in one day you begin to realize that this little person is a person. I mostly say this for those of you encouraging those fostering. In the day to day I often felt like I was failing because I met these moments with a heart that was full of exhaustion and annoyance rather than joy that I was helping. When I step back I see that we have had an impact on this little life and it was worth the hard days because...
There were those days when he'd fall asleep on my shoulder, snuggle with me while watching a movie, refuse to eat from anyone but me, smile when he hears me singing, giggle when I dance with him, move his cheek to receive Daddy's kisses, and many more. We have been able to see a little guy go from unresponsive to great eye contact. He may not walk or talk yet and he may still only be 1 kg. heavier than when he came but I know that we made an impact. He makes eye contact, snuggles, says I love you through smiles, and brings joy in life with his cute little face.
(This last part was mostly written for myself.)
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